Last November I wrote a post titled “Confessions of a Submissive Wife” and Clint subsequently wrote an HOH confessions one as well. For this A-Z Challenge we each decided to do another round of confessions (here’s Clint’s second round), so here we go!

• If Clint asks me a direct question, I can’t look him in the face and lie to him. It’s like a mental block. The good thing is that it means I’m pretty much always honest with my husband..but the bad thing is that he knows almost immediately if I’m not.
• While putting away laundry recently, I came across the tilt want that we sometimes use (for severe offenses). It hasn’t been used in awhile (thankfully) so it strongly went across my mind to make it disappear. In the end, it’s still there. But, the thought of throwing away implements (or making them get lost in some way) crosses my mind every now and again. I’ve actually known plenty of domestic discipline wives who have done that..I’m just not quite that brave.
• I think the show Marriage Boot Camp (and other shows) would be a billion times better if domestic discipline were incorporated. I’d say at least 80% of the couples issues could be solved simply by resorting back to traditional marriage values, and implementing domestic discipline.
• I would be totally lost without Google. I use Google for everything from the search engine itself to Gmail, to Google Calendar, to Google Drive..all of it. I’m a Google addict, for sure.
• Despite the fact that Clint makes it really easy to trust him, and has never done anything to defy that trust, I still have a hard time with it on some major decisions. Recently, we had a discussion about a pretty major life change (which you guys will probably find out about at one point or another in the future) and, in the end, I ended up just stepping back and trusting with what he thought was best. It still remains to be seen if he was right or not, and I still second guess my decision to step back to easily, but it is over and done with now. It’s times like this where I’m thankful that we have a strong enough marriage and that I trust him enough to make major decisions like that, but it’s also times like this where I feel like I’m jumping off a cliff with my eyes closed and have no idea what to expect. Letting go of control and trusting my husband as the HOH of our family is one of the hardest part of being a submissive wife.
• I lose my phone on like a daily basis. Not lose it in the sense that Clint takes it from me, but lose it meaning I can’t find it. It’s funny how, at one point in my life, my phone used to be practically glued to my hand. Nowadays, I forget where I put it, leave it random spots, and sometimes hours goes by before I ask Clint, “hey, I just realized I have absolutely no idea where my phone is, have you seen it?” One of these days, the constant losing of my cell phone is probably going to get me in trouble..I can just see it coming.
• If it were up to me, we would travel like 10-12 times a year. I’m constantly looking at vacation deals and planning trips. Realistically, we can’t take 10-12 trips a year, and I’m sure Clint gets tired of me asking so I settle for about half that number. But, it doesn’t mean I don’t ask.
• Lately, our biggest domestic discipline disagreement has been whether or not it is fair to punish for getting pulled over for something like speeding, but not actually receiving a ticket. Clint’s view is that it’s dangerous, and the rule has way less to do with receiving a ticket than it does about how dangerous it can be, or the million things that could happen. But, my view is IF I get pulled over for speeding but don’t get a ticket how does that negatively effect our family? Obviously I didn’t get in an accident, there is no financial impact or insurance impact (since there was no ticket), etc. Now, I’m not saying speeding is right (because I know it’s not, and deep down I probably know Clint is right too) but it doesn’t hurt to try to get the rule changed, right?
• I have a bad habit of pre-judging how the entire day is going to go based on how the first 1-2 hours of my morning goes. The problem with this is that if the first few hours really aren’t that great, I usually have a negative attitude for most of the day (which could result in getting punished, if my attitude gets bad enough). I’m working on fixing that, and taking each hour at a time, but it’s a work in progress.
• When inconsistency becomes an issue with domestic discipline, I honestly feel like my husband loves me less. I don’t know why, and I’m sure that’s not actually true. That’s just how it feels.
• I stress myself out each week with the fact that everything has to be planned. To-do lists, meal plans, trip plans, everything. I think it secretly drives Clint crazy, but if things are unplanned or out of order it drives me nuts and I can’t focus. But, I’ll admit that the number of to-do lists, color coded by type, each day that I have are getting a little out of hand, I think.
• There have been times where I’ve wanted to shout (nicely of course) at my husband, “if ___ bothers you just use DD instead of sitting there complaining to me about it!”. Obviously, I’d word it much nicer than that, but that’s what I’m thinking at the time. There have definitely been times where he’s been frustrated or upset with something that I know (and he knows) domestic discipline would solve in some capacity, yet instead he just gets upset, tries to discuss it with me and hopes the situation gets better. To his credit, sometimes it does. But, other times I just wish he would make a rule out of it, or something, to avoid those negative discussions in the first place.
• While reading through my new fiction book (that is in progress) recently I noticed that almost all of the spanking scenes were based on true stories and actual spankings I’ve received which leads me to believe that I must really not have that good of an imagination. I mean, I want the book to be realistic for sure, but that may be a little too personal, right? So, I ended up leaving half of them and changing half of them. It’ll be interesting to see who can pick out the “based on a true story” ones.
• I used to be anti-stress relief spankings (or maintenance, or anything other than punishment). But, truth be told, I’d be totally lost without them. They’re a lifesaver on weeks where I’m just totally overwhelmed and about to break down.

I’m sure there’s more (lots more) that I’m missing, but that’s what came to mind today. I feel like we’ve been on a “let’s be more open about domestic discipline” (if that’s even possible) kick lately, and I don’t know why, but all of our recent posts seem to have the same “open up on domestic discipline” theme. Hopefully you guys are enjoying it..because it’s a little hard to put yourself so out there sometimes.

-Chelsea

The post {A-Z Blog Challenge} S: Submissive Wife Confessions (Part II) appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

When we began domestic discipline I made a lot of mistakes and that’s probably an understatement. Mistakes in terms of breaking the rules (I felt like I was always getting in trouble at first) and in terms of how I looked at and approached the lifestyle in general. Not to make excuses for this, but we really didn’t have a lot of solid sources of information available online (thus leading us to create Learning Domestic Discipline years later) and so I felt like we were kind of on our own to figure out how this crazy and complicated lifestyle worked.

However, the one thing we did have were a few (okay, like two..) friends who already practiced domestic discipline and they were the ones who told us about it at first. I think both Clint and I felt kind of awkward going to them about every single domestic discipline issue we encountered at first so we tried to figure out as much as we could on our own (which, in case you were wondering, wasn’t much) and then turn to them for what we needed the most help with.

I googled domestic discipline one day and a few different personal blogs came up. These were helpful to me for a lot of reasons, but the biggest reason being that it was nice to be able to know that other people practiced this lifestyle that I once thought was completely insane. It helped me not to feel as alone, which, in turn, played a part in me wanting to continue with practicing domestic discipline. But, the personal blogs that I slowly found myself reading a few times quickly turned into one of the biggest mistakes I think I made during our early years of domestic discipline.

Switching gears for a moment, I’ve got a question for you all. Imagine the Olympics and the three winners from each specific sport standing up on the platforms to collect their medals. Which do you think is the most unhappy out of the gold winner, silver winner, and bronze winner?

According to a study done at Cornell University, the silver medal winners actually feel the worst after the Olympics, and after the awards ceremony. Some of you might be like, “whatever, it should clearly be the bronze. I mean, they ranked lowest out of the three rankings!” and I can see why you think that. But, in fact, it’s the silver medal winners for one clear reason – they’re the most likely to compare themselves to the gold medal winner, and the other athletes. How did that gold medal winner end up winning? What did he/she do that I missed the mark on? How can I be more like them? Whereas with the bronze medal they’re just happy to be there, happy to even be in the awards ceremony, and striving to do better next time based on their personal critiques of themselves, not comparisons.

So, what does this have anything to do with domestic discipline? In a lot of ways I felt like the “silver award winner” when it came to us beginning domestic discipline. I had already won a lot – my husband was great with getting on board with domestic discipline, he had adapted really well to being an HOH and he was genuinely trying to make this lifestyle work for us. That’s something that I know a lot of domestic discipline women aren’t able to get from their HOH’s at first, but I feel like I lucked out in the sense that mine was able to grasp a hold of the domestic discipline concept immediately. But I still wanted more. I still wanted to be that gold medal winner.

So, I started comparing myself to the few personal domestic discipline blogs that I had came across. I read story after story of how great domestic discipline was working for these couples. They made being a submissive wife sound so easy. Inconsistency seemed rare, breaking the rules seemed even more rare, and letting go at control? Well, let’s just say they were way better at that than I was.

I didn’t understand how these women seemed to have it all figured out when it came to domestic discipline, and yet it seemed so difficult for me. It seemed like I was getting in trouble way more than any blog I had come across, and that was discouraging (to say the least).

After reflecting long and hard about what I was doing wrong, I came to the conclusion that it must be because I was brand new to domestic discipline whereas the blogs I was reading were from those who had been practicing for years. Maybe the experience they had was the answer to the question of why they had it all figured out and I had no clue? But, when I came across a few newbie blogs who were in similar stages as myself it was even worse. These women seemed nothing like me either. They seemed to struggle more with getting their HOH’s on board, whereas mine was fully on board and I just couldn’t seem to grasp how this lifestyle worked. Needless to say, I felt really discouraged and I felt like there was no way I could ever fit into this domestic discipline lifestyle. It made me feel awful.

I began to set unachievable expectations for myself, and a level of perfection that mimicked what I was reading on some of those blogs. I vowed I was going to go years without getting punished, and then, sure enough, a few days later I found myself getting spanked. I was beginning to think there was definitely something wrong with me, and the guilt I placed on myself was beginning to impact my marriage.

I tried not to let my ridiculous habit of comparing myself to the other domestic discipline wives impact Clint and I’s relationship, but let’s be real here – it did. Not in a major way because I was able to internalize most of it so that Clint never knew, but the levels of perfection I was starting to place on myself were causing me to feel nothing but crappy and guilty. My attitude definitely changed, and I thought the struggles we had with domestic discipline in the beginning must have been so abnormal that maybe we weren’t really cut out for this lifestyle after all.

Eventually I realized the problem. I was wanting so bad to be like those wives who I felt were the “gold medal wives” in domestic discipline. They made being a submissive wife seem so easy..and yet I was struggling. They made being a domestic discipline wife seem even easier. Stay out of trouble. Piece of cake, right? Not for me at first. I wanted to be like them, and was constantly comparing myself to what they were doing. What was their secret? How could I fit in with them? How could I be one of those “gold medal wives”? These were constant thoughts of mine, and it was a problem, no doubt.

I eventually realized that no two people practice domestic discipline in the same way. No one has the same rules, the same consequences, the same HOH, the same submissive wife qualities..everyone is different. And, with that, comes different struggles for everyone. It took awhile for me to become comfortable with how we practiced domestic discipline, and it took even longer for me to break down the goals I had set for myself that were just flat out not possible.

I definitely made mistakes with domestic discipline in the beginning. We both did, in fact. But, we learned from them and this was probably the biggest lesson I learned – set goals for you based on what you want..not based on what other people have. Like I said earlier, no two people practice domestic discipline the same and part of what makes this lifestyle so great is that everyone is able to add their own element to it. I’ve come to realize, firsthand, that finding the positives about your relationship and your style of domestic discipline will take you much further than dwelling on what someone else has. And, one final word – no one is perfect, not even domestic discipline wives.

-Chelsea

The post {A-Z Blog Challenge} T: The Top Mistake I Made When Beginning Domestic Discipline appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

If you talk to any domestic discipline couple they will likely tell you that their relationship has had its ups and downs. In fact, if you talk to any couple at all that is probably something that you will hear. After all, no relationship is perfect, and certainly not a domestic discipline one. Although we still stand by the fact that domestic discipline can drastically improve your relationship in so many different ways, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t come with its ups and downs too.

We’ve certainly experienced our share of ups and downs in the many years we’ve been practicing the lifestyle. Here are a few of those moments:

Up: Our Spontaneous Boot Camp

Last year we had a rare weekend alone. No kids, no work, nothing going on. Time like this is really rare, and so we always try to make the most of our time alone, just the two of us. Needless to say, we were both looking forward to a few days of relaxation. But, shortly after we dropped off our kids at a family members house for the weekend, things changed. Clint had decided he wanted to do boot camp, and little did I know he had actually already had it all planned. To say I was upset might be a total understatement. I mean, c’mon, weekends like that are rare enough. Who really wants to spend it doing boot camp? But, I gave in and boot camp began.

At that point, we had done boot camp a few times before (different variations and such, but nevertheless I had experienced it before) and each time has been good (different, but good) but I can honestly say that weekend was probably one of the best we have had since we began domestic discipline. We connected on a level that I didn’t even think was possible, our communication drastically increased, and I walked away from that weekend loving my husband more than ever before. It was awesome, and if I could do it all over again I would in a heartbeat. Boot camp was a little rough at times, no doubt (like the punishment sessions, specifically) but I felt like we were 10 times closer at the end of it, and it was completely worth it.

Down: Anything and Everything Silent Spankings

I guess I shouldn’t say everything about silent spankings, but maybe 99% of it. Listen, I totally (totally!) get that it works well for a lot of couples, and I think that is awesome. That’s a big part of why we have it recommended on the blog. There’s nothing wrong with silent spankings. But, for us, personally, it just didn’t work. Actually, that’s not entirely true. It did work in the sense that it improved my behavior and all that, but in every other way it was a total fail. I know we have a few posts about it so I won’t go into it too much, but let’s just say that the day we threw that horrible “silent spanking cream” in the trash can was one of the best moments in domestic discipline.

I don’t regret trying silent spankings (that’s how you learn from things!) but it was just not something I would ever do again, and I’m thankful my husband is on board with me.

Up: Going 6 Months Without Getting Punished

I never thought I could go that long, but I did, and it was definitely difficult. But I classified this as an “up” when it comes to domestic discipline because I never thought I could do it (and, to be honest, I don’t think Clint ever thought I could either). So, when I finally did hit that 6 month milestone, we were both really happy and proud. Looking back, I don’t know how I did it.

Down: The No Spanking Challenge

It might seem odd to feature this as a “down” after just talking about my 6 month “challenge” of sorts, but the No Spanking Challenge was one of those things that seemed like such a great idea until I actually did it. You can read about the full collapse of the No Spanking Challenge and all the problems associated with it here.

Up: Seeing the Results

A few months into domestic discipline Clint and I both began to see the results of the lifestyle, and it made both of us feel a lot better about giving it a try. One of the biggest moments I remember was a time when Clint was at work and I was spending the day with my sister in law. She wanted to drive up to Idaho (at the time we lived in Utah) and I was totally on board with the idea..except I couldn’t get a hold of Clint and I knew he likely wouldn’t be super thrilled with it (for a lot of reasons, but that’s beside the point). Before domestic discipline I would have immediately said “heck yes, let’s go!” but that time I declined, and talked her into doing something more local instead. We still had fun, and best part – I didn’t get in trouble and Clint was proud of how I handled it. Score!

What I began to see was a clear transformation in me thinking before my actions and beginning to think, “what would my husband think of this?”, “will this be something he is okay with, or not?” “does this break any rules?” and things like that. As soon as I started thinking through my decisions a little more, things got drastically better (all with the help of domestic discipline).

Down: Stress Times a Thousand

Some of you have probably heard us talk about this before, but we went through a moment last year of inconsistency, stress, and the whole nine yards. It was after the birth of our second child, and then a few months later we moved several hours away. Both the birth, the move, and everything in between had made life really stressful and not having domestic discipline involved as much as it usually was just complicated things even more. I’m the kind of person who really needs structure, schedules, and organization. I feel like domestic discipline, when working correctly, provides that and so when it isn’t operating as it should be, it begins to create all sorts of issues (those of you who have ever experienced inconsistency likely know what I’m talking about). Getting back on track was really difficult, and I think both Clint and I felt like it took forever, but once we were back on track everything was great again. Still, going through that tiny bout of inconsistency and stress really took a toll on us for a few months and it’s something I hope we never experience again.

Those are just a few of the ups and downs that come to mind, but I’m sure there will be more in future posts. For now though, let me leave you with this – highs and lows are a part of domestic discipline. If you’re going through a “low” right now, know that it won’t last. At some point, things will begin to look up, I promise. In the meantime, know that you aren’t alone. Everyone struggles with different aspects of this lifestyle at times. That’s part of what makes it so complicated, but it is so rewarding at the same time. Focus on the highs (or ups) you have experienced to get you through the low (or down) moments.

-Chelsea

The post {A-Z Blog Challenge} U: Ups and Downs appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

As many of you likely know, interesting moments come up from time to time when living the domestic discipline lifestyle.  We’ve certainly had our fair share of ours.  One of the most interesting moments, and one of the most challenging, was when Chels and I visited some family out of state.

  We were living in Utah at the time, and we had a trip planned to visit some relatives of Chelsea’s for a couple of weeks.  We planned to stay at their house for the duration of our trip.  They wanted us to stay with them anyway.  We were still relatively new to the domestic discipline lifestyle and we knew it would be a challenge to keep things consistent while staying there, particularly since we hadn’t let anyone know about our lifestyle choice yet.  I silently hoped I wouldn’t be put in a position where I had to punish Chelsea while we were visiting family, but I came prepared just in case.  Much to Chelsea’s chagrin, I brought along our implements.  We packed up all our stuff and hit the road.

  The first couple of days were wonderful, as you would expect.  Everyone was so happy to see one another and everyone was laughing and having a great time.  We had a bunch of fun things planned that kept us all busy those first few days.  Chels and I didn’t have any domestic discipline moments come up, which was nice.  We were just happy to be on vacation visiting loved ones.

  Her family members obviously planned for us to visit, so they had taken off work, which meant we were all together all the time.  They were constantly home and around us, which was wonderful (and expected), but I knew that IF a domestic discipline situation came up, it would be really tough to handle.  I REALLY hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with any issues because we weren’t ready to let anyone know about our lifestyle yet (this was before her family knew).

  Well, as much as I hoped, it didn’t quite turn out that way.  Chelsea, while out with one of her family members, used her phone to text me while she was driving, which was and still is a major rule break in our marriage.  Texting while driving bothers me SOOOO much, and I knew I couldn’t let it go without punishing her, so I was put in the ONE position I hoped I wouldn’t be.  Awesome.

  We spank for texting while driving, obviously.  That’s not even a question and is absolutely not negotiable under any circumstances.  I don’t care when or where it happens, if Chelsea uses her phone when driving, she gets spanked.  Period.  Other punishments aren’t even considered.  So, here we were at her relative’s house and I needed to spank her.  I had no idea how I was going to do that since they were always around, and my spankings aren’t exactly light or quiet.  Hmm.  Dilemma.

  Being relatively new to domestic discipline, I honestly didn’t know what to do or how to handle this situation.  I had to text a friend of mine and talk to him about it (this is the same friend that introduced us to the lifestyle).  He explained to me the concept of reminder spankings, and it was the perfect (and brilliant) solution to my problem.  It’s so nice to know others that live this lifestyle, I’m telling you.

  After everyone was asleep, I gave Chelsea a reminder spanking each night for the next several nights.  They’re light, quiet spankings that only last a few seconds — nothing like our formal punishment spankings – so they worked beautifully.  Nobody in the house overheard or suspected anything, and I was holding Chelsea accountable for her choice to text while driving.  Thanks to reminder spankings, I was able to address the problem AND keep her behavior on track for the rest of our trip.  What a genius concept.  Seriously.  Reminder spankings are great (well, if you’re and HoH, that is).

  Both of us would rather NOT have had to do reminder spankings several nights in a row while visiting family, but when poor choices are made, an HoH has to do what an HoH has to do.  Once we returned home from our trip, we were able to conduct the formal punishment spanking and it all worked out very well for us.

  Since then, we’ve had only one other spanking situation come up while on vacation that I can remember (our trip to NYC, which you can read about here), and we vacation fairly frequently.  I believe that’s due to our first reminder spanking situation.  After this whole experience, Chelsea knows and understands that I am capable of spanking her anywhere and anytime, even while on vacation (and around others).  Simply knowing that fact has helped us both to follow the rules, even when we aren’t at home.

– Clint

The post {A-Z Blog Challenge} V: Visiting Family appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

Have you ever had one of those days where it feels like absolutely nothing has gone right? I definitely have, and like everyone else, I hate them. I usually try to find something good in each day, but there have been days where that is a challenge.

When things are really stressful I tend to get in trouble more. I tend to do less thinking before I act, or before I speak, and my attitude just isn’t very good overall – all things that can lead to me getting in trouble. I’m thankful that I have a husband who understands when I’m stressed and, in those moments, is less likely to punish unless things get really out of hand. His way of handling it my stress is always wanting to help. I swear, I must hear, “what can I do to help you babe?” a million times a day on the days where it feels like everything has gone wrong.

But, as much as I appreciate his continuous offers to help, sometimes the way he can help the most is actually with domestic discipline, believe it or not. When we started stress relief spankings at first, I was completely skeptical. How does getting spanked help to relieve stress? A spanking sure as heck wasn’t going to make my to-do list any shorter or add more hours into my day. I didn’t see the benefits.

There’s one day last year that stands out specifically to me. We were literally right in the middle of moving, and things were going terrible (in case you don’t know, I really don’t like moving). I drove, by myself with both our kids about 3 hours away on the morning of day one of the big move, with Clint staying behind to finish a few last minute things at our previous house. One of our sons was only a few months old at the time, and it made things difficult because I couldn’t help him (make him a bottle, etc.) as easy as I could if someone else were driving. Then, I got lost and the GPS “had no signal”. Perfect. To top it off, we arrived at our new house and Clint had gotten tied up with some stuff back at our previous house and didn’t show up (along with the moving truck) for 4 or 5 hours. So here I was, alone with our kids, in our new house and I didn’t have one toy for the boys, any food, a handful of diapers. Yeah, to say I was prepared would be a total joke. And yes, before someone points it out, I totally realize this was my fault. I also was in a completely unfamiliar city where I had NO idea where the nearest grocery store was and after going on a 20 something mile detour of the city while getting lost, I wasn’t in the mood to give it a shot. So, the kids and I made it work playing random games (like run through the house a million times and hide and seek, lol) while we waited for Clint and the movers. Meanwhile, I got a reminder about a deadline that I had coming up in less than a week on a project I hadn’t even started, among other things. Let’s just say, it was a stressful day. You get the point.

So, Clint arrives, we begin to unpack (another part about moving that I hate), get the kids situated in their rooms for the night and look around our new house (which I love, so there’s one good thing!) at the massive amount of work there was to do with unpacking.

I knew if I pulled an all nighter unpacking at least a 1 or 2 rooms of the house that my stress the next day would be terrible, and my attitude would be less than ideal. Clint encouraged me to just rest, but it was so hard. All I saw were boxes everywhere, but after the day I had, I knew he was right. Rest was the best thing.

But as the night went on, my stress just wasn’t subsiding. I think there’s something about being in a house full of boxes that you have to have unpacked in a relatively short time frame that just builds to your stress. So, I decided to ask Clint for a stress relief spanking.

This is something I rarely ever do. Clint and I don’t use stress relief spankings very often, but when we do, they’re always effective. However, I rarely ever ask for them because Clint is usually really good at picking up on the “cues” that a stress relief would probably help, and is able to take care of it without me asking. In this situation, however, I decided to just not take the chances of me getting into trouble with how my attitude was escalating, and instead ask him for one.

He’s never surprised when I ask for a stress relief spanking, but it’s still difficult for me to do (I’m telling you guys, there’s something about asking for any type of spanking that just isn’t easy). But, I did it and he happily obliged by my request because he knew it was necessary.

Stress relief spankings, for us, are always drastically different than punishment spankings. They’re a lot lighter (both in the severity of the strikes, the number of strikes and the implements used) and are focused more on talking through why I’m stressed and ways we can reduce some of it instead of punishment spankings which are more lecture-focused.

I wasn’t real happy about my first spanking in our new house being the night we moved in, but because it was a stress relief and not a punishment spanking I was more okay with it. He spanked me over the knee (since our bed, at the time, wasn’t set up) with his hand probably 40 times. That might sound like a lot, but the strength was no where near as hard as he usually strikes. More importantly, it really worked.

Although it didn’t make all the boxes magically unpack themselves, and it didn’t change my upcoming deadline, it did remind me that he’s always there for me, whether it is in the form of tackling half of my to do list for me, or giving me a stress relief simply because he knows it will change my attitude. And, he’s right, it definitely did.

Its times like that where I’m grateful for domestic discipline. While stress reliefs don’t play a huge role in our domestic discipline marriage, they play a really important one. Not only do they really help to reduce stress, but they also help to reduce punishment spankings which is always a good thing.

-Chelsea

The post {A-Z Blog Challenge} W: When Everything Falls Apart appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

Hi everyone,

We hope you’ve been enjoying the A-Z Blog Challenge posts so far this month. You may have noticed that we missed yesterdays challenge post (and we apologize for that) and you also might have noticed this post doesn’t have a letter theme. We left off on letter X, and we all know there’s like zero words that begin with X anyway. Instead, we’ve decided to write a personal letter to all of you, let you know how we’re doing, and give you an update as to our return to Learning Domestic Discipline.

We’re sure you have noted our noticeable absence over the past two months. In case you missed the reason for the absence, you can read the original post here. This is an update to that post.

The past couple of months have been very challenging for us. The health issues with Chelsea has escalated, and we were faced with some very difficult decisions. One of those decisions was about whether or not to go forward with inducing the delivery of our baby, prematurely, or taking the risk (for Chelsea) in order to give our baby the best chance of survival and the best chance at being healthy both in the long and short term. Although Clint’s mind stayed pretty made up on the decision he wanted, Chelsea’s wavered back and forth and eventually landed on the fact that she was unwilling to put our child at risk in any way, even if it meant posing a serious risk to herself along the way. This was a difficult decision to come to and has lead to us trying to maintain as much of a normal life as possible over the past two months while still making some very difficult preparations in case something were to go horribly wrong.

We have put a lot of trust into Chelsea’s doctors, who have been fantastic. The medical team that has been assembeled to care for both her and the baby has been tremendous, and for that we are grateful. Because of our confidence in the medical team that we have chosen, and because of our faith in God, we made the decision a few weeks ago to allow this pregnancy to go full-term.

This decision has meant an increase in doctors appointments for Chelsea (from one a week to multiple per week) and it has been difficult to watch her health continue to decline. However, we are very optimistic, as are the doctors, that after the delivery and after Chelsea completes a couple of rounds of treatment (which has already been scheduled) that she will make a full recovery.

We have overcame a lot of hurdles in the past two months, and some new ones have been placed in our way. Right now the biggest mountain that we need to overcome is safely getting through the delivery of our child in a way where both the baby and Chelsea are unharmed. We’re confident that, as we are within days of the big day, that things will go as God has planned them to go.

We have discussed, in great lengths, both with ourselves and with our amazing group of assistants as to when we will return to Learning Domestic Discipline and this community that we care so much about. Based on the delivery of our child, Chelsea’s treatment, and our personal schedules, we have decided that we will return to Learning DD on June 1st (and, side note, we’re excited!).

We would also like to apologize to any of you who may feel as if our lack of updates over the past two months have been translated into a lack of caring. That is absolutely not the case, and we are so immensely grateful for our friends (and strangers!) who have taken the time out of their days to pray for us, to offer us encouragement, and offer to help. There aren’t words to express how thankful we are for each of you.

It has been extremely difficult for us to let the community (both our friends, and people we don’t know) in to such a personal and serious aspect of our lives. We have struggled with how much is too much information to share and how much isn’t enough. We want to keep people updated, but at the same time emotions run so high with the constant changing of Chelsea’s medical state that it becomes difficult. It is also very important to Chelsea that she be able to move on from this as soon as she is healthy, and put the past behind her. She feels that if she were to open up to everyone, it would make that difficult as people would still bring things up months and years later. The short version is that it is hard for Chelsea to open up, both for fear of being judged, and the fear of people hanging these decisions, and these circumstances, over her head. But, we are working towards becoming more open as we know so many of you care, just as we care so much about each of you.

As we approach our last month of “time off” from Learning Domestic Discipline, we want to, once again, sincerely thank everyone who has prayed for us, who has offered their support and encouragement, and who has been there for us when we needed it the most. We’re asking for you all to please continue to pray for Chelsea and that her health will stabilize and, in turn, will allow her to beat this horrible disease. We also would like to thank our great team of assistants. Without their work over the past two months, Learning Domestic Discipline simply wouldn’t have been able to operate at all. We’ve said it before, and we will say it again – this is a great community that we are really looking forward to coming back to in a month. We miss you guys, and we’re grateful for each and every one of you.

Very sincerely,

-Clint and Chelsea

The post {A-Z Blog Challenge} X: X is a Terrible Letter, So Here’s An Update on Us + Our Return to Learning Domestic Discipline appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

Hi everyone!

This might have been the longest we have gone in between posting, and we apologize for that. To say we have been swamped is an understatement, and we aren’t even officially back to Learning Domestic Discipline yet. Family stuff, health stuff, and more have been keeping us busy, but we haven’t forgotten about you guys!

There’s a few announcements that we’d love for you to know, so we figured a post would be the easiest way to get this information to you.

1. First, in case you missed it, we’ve made the decision to return to Learning Domestic Discipline on June 1st. We also wrote an update on where things are at with us, personally, and you can read that here.
2. We’ve had an overwhelming response to the first ever Submissive Wives Book Club! That kicks off the beginning of June, but it isn’t too late if you’d still like to join! You can find all the information you need here. And, if you’ve already registered, you should receive your materials (either by mail, or inbox, depending on which option you selected) by the middle of the month.
3. We didn’t forget about the May Learning Domestic Discipline Newsletter. It will be sent out next week.
4. Later this week (likely over the weekend) the Learning Domestic Discipline Social Network will be down for some system maintence and updates. If you’re a member, and you try to go to the network during that time, it might give you an error message. It should be down approximately 1-2 days.
5. As we wrap up the month of May, you might notice that we’re more absent than normal in terms of posting. We’re okay, don’t worry, but we’re looking at a rather lengthy hospital stay coming up in which being on our laptops and helping out with Learning Domestic Discipline likely won’t be possible. Our admins will continue to be available, should you need anything.
6. Our new summer posting schedule kicks off in June, and we’re pretty excited about it! In case you’ve forgotten about the new features we’ve added, or want to participate, you can read more here.
7. Things with the Learning Domestic Discipline Magazine are progressing really well! We’re still hoping to launch this month, but we will keep you posted. June may be a more realistic time frame, but we’re keeping our fingers crossed that we can find the time to put the finishing touches on it this month.

Alright, we think that about covers it. We’ll likely post again in the next 1-2 weeks, and hopefully have another personal update for you guys around that time. In the meantime, we’re thankful for all of your support and prayers. We’re almost at the end of this, guys. Hang in there with us a few more weeks.

-Clint & Chelsea

The post Learning Domestic Discipline May Updates appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

Hi everyone!

It feels like forever since we’ve been around, probably because it has been forever. Most of you likely realized that we’ve been off since February, and although we’ve checked in a time or two, we’ve been away for most of the spring. We’ve really missed you guys and we’re excited that the day has finally come that we’re able to return to Learning Domestic Discipline. We know many of you are excited too, and that makes this all the more fun for us!

So, where have we been? Well, a lot has changed for us both from a Learning Domestic Discipline standpoint and a personal/family standpoint. On next weeks personal post, we’ll fill you guys in on all the fun details of how we spent the spring, from the birth of our baby to our dream home finally being completed, to one medical scare after another. It’s been a long few months guys, and we’re unbelievably grateful for all of the prayers, support, and encouragement we received throughout that time. We’re also extremely appreciative for the help that we had while we were gone. It takes a team to make Learning Domestic Discipline run smoothly, and although we may have had some bumps in the road (which we expected) this past spring, for the most part things went really well and that wouldn’t have been possible without the help of our incredible assistants who worked ridiculous hours to make sure things were up and running, and addressed any problems that might have arose.

One thing we were able to do over the past few months was come up with a new game plan for Learning Domestic Discipline, with new ideas that we’ve brainstormed, and different ways to make Learning Domestic Discipline better and bigger than ever before. Sometimes taking a break can help you to become more committed, and that is definitely the case with us. We’re really excited to see what the summer (and beyond) holds for LDD.

With all of that being said, tomorrow (June 1st) marks our first official day back to Learning Domestic Discipline..and we know we have a lot of work to do. Our assistants have done a fantastic (actually more than fantastic) job at responding to the emails that weren’t directly geared towards us (product site order help, general questions, things like that) but our inbox is still overflowing with things we need to respond to. We also have a lot of comments to respond to, posts to write, content to create, books to edit, and the list goes on and on and on. Basically, what we’re asking for is continued patience from you guys as we get back in the swing of things.

If you’ve been waiting on an email response from us, or a comment response, we’ll be slowly getting to those beginning this week.

Also, our new summer posting schedule begins tomorrow as well.

We also want to let you guys know that we’re not “out of the woods yet” with a lot of the medical stuff that has been going on. In fact, the next few weeks are going to be very difficult for us. But, we’re committed to returning to Learning DD (even if the timing isn’t great) and we’re asking for your patience as we get everything situated again.

If we could also please ask you all to hold off on any emails that are not urgent while we get caught up on all the ones from the past few months, that would be great. Things are very chaotic right now and we are really overwhelmed. We will be providing an update on things like the return of the meetups, the fiction book, the magazine, and other projects once we get the plans for those finalized over the next few weeks. And, as we mentioned earlier, we’ll be providing a personal update next week for those of you who are curious as to what is going on and how we are doing.

Stay tuned for the start of our summer posting schedule tomorrow, and thank you all so much, again, for hanging in there the past few months. We have missed you all so much.

-Clint, Chelsea & family

The post Learning Domestic Discipline is BACK! appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

It’s great to be back!  We were gone for quite some time this spring as we worked through some personal matters.  We appreciate all the support we’ve received, and as we said yesterday, we’ll give an update on all that has been going on in our upcoming personal posts.  As for now, back to helping you all with domestic discipline!

Welcome to our new Monday column: the Q&A series.  In this column, we take common domestic discipline dilemmas that couples face when living this lifestyle and offer our suggestions/recommendations.  It’s somewhat of a spinoff of our Mailbag Monday series and we hope you enjoy it.

This week we’re covering the topic of practicing domestic discipline while on vacation.  This is a situation that we occasionally get asked about, and with summer coming up, we figured this topic would be the perfect way to kick off our brand new series.

The following is not an exact quote from any specific person or couple, however it does closely resemble a typical question we get asked about practicing domestic discipline while on vacation.

QUESTION: We have a summer vacation planned in the next few months and we can’t wait to go!  We’re really looking forward to it.  I have a question that I was hoping you could offer some insight on.  Is it a good idea to practice domestic discipline while on vacation, or should we put it on “hold” until we return back home?  How should we handle this?  Any advice would help.  Thanks!

ANSWER: When it comes to living the domestic discipline lifestyle, we feel it’s important to keep it “active” as much as possible, ideally all day every day.  The reason for that is so a couple doesn’t slip into the ever-so-frustrating inconsistency spiral which is often very difficult to overcome.  If you’re in a situation where you CAN practice the lifestyle, we recommend you do so to keep things on track, and yes, that includes when vacationing.

Having said that, we understand circumstances sometimes arise in life that make it very difficult to do that.  Vacationing can be one of those instances, particularly if the vacation includes extended family members, friends, and/or children.  The choice is always yours in the end, but we advise a couple keep their DD lifestyle going throughout the vacation, even if it means “toning it down” a little bit (choosing lighter punishments than normal, for example).  It always needs to be a part of your life, even when out doing fun things.

We recommend the HoH take along some spanking implements on the trip, and let their partner know they’re doing so.  Even if they don’t get used, it will send the message to the submissive partner that a spanking COULD happen if their behavior gets too far off track.  Even just the possibility of a spanking can be a very strong motivating factor in keeping behavior where it needs to be while on vacation.  And, of course, if behavior gets too poor, the spanking implements will be available and ready to go if necessary.

We also recommend a couple talk privately, before leaving on vacation, about what they expect from one another on the trip.  Vacations are supposed to be fun, of course, but they don’t mean a “free pass” for either partner to disregard any rules of the relationship (unless mutually agreed upon).  Respect the relationship (and the DD aspect of it) always.

If a punishment situation does arise while on vacation, we recommend handling it as close to “normal” as you would at home.  Yes, it may be extremely challenging to do that (which we completely understand), but the closer to “normal”, the better.  All punishments are at the discretion of the HoH, and in some instances it may be necessary to use a different punishment than “normal.”  It’s important, however, that the HoH hold the submissive partner accountable SOMEHOW, even if it wouldn’t be the “normal” punishment they would give/get at home.  This helps to maintain consistency and it also sends the message that rules are expected to be followed at all times, not just when it’s convenient.

And, as a general tip when vacationing, it’s helpful to have a rough plan on how you intend to spend each day.  Organization helps reduce stress while on vacation, which will decrease the chances of any punishment situations arising at all.  Leave a little room for error, of course (does any vacation plan go exactly as scheduled?  Not really…), but an organized trip will help things go a little more smoothly and stress-free for both of you.

Our last piece of advice…have fun!  Don’t sweat the small stuff too much and enjoy your vacation together.  You deserve it, and you’ve earned it.

RECAP:

• Keep your DD lifestyle on track even when on vacation.
• Pack implements as reminders, and to use if necessary.
• Discuss what you expect from one another before leaving.
• Always respect your relationship, the rules, and each other.
• Handle punishments as “normally” as possible on vacation.
• Organize your trip to reduce stress.  This will reduce potential punishment situations.
• Enjoy your vacation!  Don’t sweat the small stuff.  Have fun!

The post {Q&A Series} “Domestic Discipline on Vacation” appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

Welcome to Learning Domestic Discipline’s brand new column: the HoH series. We’re excited to kick this one off, and we hope you are too!

For the past several months (prior to us taking some time off) Chelsea has been writing posts each Saturday that focus on the submission aspect of the domestic discipline lifestyle.  It’s called our “Submissive Saturdays” series and we’ve gotten wonderful feedback with it.

In our new HoH series, we’re flipping that script.  I, Clint, will write an article every Tuesday that focuses on different aspects of the head of the household role.  Don’t worry “Submissive Saturdays” fans — that column will remain a part of the summer posting schedule too, with a new Submissive Saturdays post coming later this week.  Keep an eye out for it.

What better place to kick off the new HoH series than at the beginning.

Quick note:  HoHs in in the domestic discipline lifestyle can be male or female.  Also, HoHs don’t necessarily have to be married to fulfill their role.  However, to make writing these posts a little easier on me, I’m going to write this entire series under the context of a married male HoH.  That’s what I am, and thus that makes it easier for me.  The substance and the message of the posts will not change, and can easily be adapted to fit whatever dynamic you’ve chosen for your relationship.  This is not a discriminatory action whatsoever — please don’t take it that way — it is simply a personal preference.  Thanks for understanding.

“So you want to be an HoH?”

  First, let’s quickly cover what HoH means.  HoH is an acronym for “head of the household.”  You’ll notice that it is NOT an acronym for “head of the wife”, or “head of the children”, or “head of the house.”  It’s an acronym for “head of the household.”  That means all of the above.  It means you’re ultimately responsible for everyone and everything that goes on in your home and marriage.  It’s an enormous responsibility.  You work with your wife, of course, but when it comes down to brass tacks, everything comes back to you in the end.

Once you consent and commit to living the domestic discipline lifestyle, you’re the HoH all the time.  You don’t get days off.  You set the example all day, every day.  If you have a good day, your family also has a good day.  If you have a bad day, your family also has a bad day.  Everything starts with you.  Your attitude, actions and decisions impact everyone.  It’s not a title to be taken lightly and I’ll be honest with you — not everyone can do it.

The HoH role is also a gift given to you by your consenting wife.  She trusts you enough to put you in charge.  She’s putting faith in your judgment.  She’s counting on you to lead the family and keep everyone safe and secure.  She’s counting on you to set the example for your children (if you have children) on how a man is expected to conduct themselves.  Your sons will be just like you.  Your daughters will marry a man just like you.  In other words, don’t do anything stupid by taking advantage of your role as head of the household.

You’re in charge.  You call the shots.  You “wear the pants.”  You have the power to make a difference in the lives of those you love the most (and who love you the most).  The stakes are very very high with that amount of responsibility.  Don’t screw it up.

No pressure or anything.

Listen, I’m being blunt for a reason.  I’m not trying to scare you, but the HoH role in this lifestyle is a role to be taken seriously.  There’s a whole lot more to it than punishing your wife when she messes up.  If you’re looking for fun and games in the bedroom, domestic discipline isn’t the “spanking” dynamic you’re looking for.  I mean seriously now…anybody can do that.  It takes a special kind of man to lead his family in all aspects of life, as the HoH role in a domestic discipline relationship requires.  Are you up for it?  Can you handle it?

Look, I’m laying this all out there for you so you know what you’re getting yourself into.  I want you to know what to expect.  I don’t want there to be any surprises.  I’m not going to sit here and tell you that being an HoH is easy, because it most definitely is not.  Any person committed to another will tell you that their relationship requires work, whether domestic discipline is involved or not.  Being an HoH is no different.  It’s a lot of “work.”  More work than your typical relationship.  You have to go above and beyond, and you have to be “in tune” with everything going on all the time.  I’ll repeat myself — there are no days off with this.  It’s all on you, my friend.

So you want to be an HoH?  Or perhaps your wife wants you to be her HoH?  Wonderful!  Before you consent and commit to it, however, you need to understand what is expected of you.  As this series progresses, we’ll get into the various responsibilities that come with your role as HoH and how important those responsibilities are.

It may seem this post was written for those just looking into the lifestyle or those brand new to it.  Not so.  Experienced HoHs need to understand all of this as well.  Experienced HoHs may be great in some areas and not-so-great in others.  This series is for all HoHs of all experience levels, and it is my hope that it helps you to see things a little differently and improve in areas that may be lacking.

There’s no such thing as a perfect HoH, by the way.  I’ve made mistakes and you will too.  That’s human nature.  I’m excited, however, to examine in further detail the role of HoH in a domestic discipline relationship and share with you what I’ve learned throughout the years.  I’m looking forward to it, and I hope you are as well.

See you next Tuesday.

— Clint

The post {HoH Series} So You Want To Be An HoH? appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

Several months ago we announced a new posting series to Learning Domestic Discipline for the summer – The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline. Our goal with this series was to highlight some of our awesome readers who practice the domestic discipline lifestyle in their own way. We wanted to show that domestic discipline varies so much from couple to couple, and lifestyle to lifestyle. The outpour of stories we received has been incredible, and we’ve had people from all walks of life, all over the world, share their stories with us for this column. Beginning today, we’re sharing those stories with you! We hope that you enjoy this new guest posting series, which runs every Friday throughout the summer.

This first story is written by Chris, who emailed us several months back to share the story of how domestic discipline works for him in his relationship with his fiancee. We found his story fascinating, and we think you will as well.

Four years ago my fiancee (then girlfriend) wrote me a letter that changed the course of our relationship as I knew it. She wanted to start domestic discipline in our relationship and let’s just say that I didn’t. I read her letter several times but I just couldn’t do it. I think even she would tell you now that the way in which the letter was written (ultimatum style) wasn’t the best, but it did do a good job at describing the lifestyle in her own words which quickly became something I was not OK with. Set rules for her? Punish her? This sounds like things I do every day with my job. The last thing I wanted was to carry my work life home with me at the end of my shift. I did that enough as it was.

I work in law enforcement in a relatively large US city. My shifts are demanding, and I often feel like I come home at the end of the shift dying to not make any decisions, to not have to explain (and re-explain) myself to people (especially my fiancee), and to sit down with a cold beer and watch some sports. The absolute last thing I wanted was to come home and immediately sit down with my fiancee and go over what she did that day, then hold her accountable for whatever rules might have been broken. Besides I couldn’t think of any rules for her that I thought would fit anyway. The suggestions she gave me (things like bedtime so that she wouldn’t be dragging at work and school the next day and things like changing her attitude during our arguments) I thought felt childish and, quite honestly, ridiculous. I couldn’t imagine punishing her for bedtime, or setting limits on how she could or couldn’t handle herself when she was angry.

And then there was the biggest hurdle of all that I had to overcome which was the legality aspect. As an officer of the law, the more I looked into this lifestyle the more I wanted to back away from it. To me, it teetered on the brink of spousal abuse and that was before I found out that corporal punishment was used as a common consequence. Once I found that out, I quickly labeled this domestic violence.

So how I went from that viewpoint to where I am now, which is happily engaged and been practicing this lifestyle for four years is a story that is difficult for me to explain. The letter that my fiancee (then girlfriend) wrote me made it clear that this was something that she wanted and she felt she needed. Although she tried to make it sound normal, I wasn’t feeling it. I actually remember ripping up her letter, pushing it into the back of my mind, and attempting to return to our day to day lives.

It was hard for me to completely forget that letter, and watching my fiancees reaction to my reaction was difficult. I made the decision to talk to a co-worker of mine about it, more for relationship advice than anything else. His response to it was surprising to me. He made it clear that he still thought it was pretty crazy (I think the word he used was “bizarre”, actually) but he made me see that if this was a desire that my fiancee had I should probably take it more seriously, even if we never ended up practicing the lifestyle. By me taking it more seriously, and not mocking it or throwing the letter back into her face it at least showed I thought about it before coming to a conclusion.

But, there was still the legal side of it that was hard for me to overcome, so I began researching. I actually stayed up all through the night one evening and really studied the law in our state, talked to a few co-workers who I felt comfortable with, and things of that nature. I researched, researched, and researched some more and what I eventually came to discover is that (in our state and country, at least) this lifestyle could be practiced within the legal perimeters. That put my mind at ease a little, but it still didn’t change the fact that I just couldn’t picture us doing this. I was a leader at work, but I didn’t feel like a leader at home, nor did I really want to be one to be honest.

A few months went by and we got into an argument over an error that she had made with our finances. We had recently combined finances, and recently moved to a new condominium. Things were getting serious between us, and this financial error was one that could have really jeopardized a lot. The argument was probably our biggest to date, and it made me really want to take over the finances in our relationship. I felt that if I didn’t, things would go downhill fast. She was reluctant, but she allowed me to do so, stating that if she wanted to be a domestic discipline partner eventually, she felt this was a good first step.

I didn’t think much into her comment, but looking back on it her giving up the reigns in that area meant a lot, and I know it was hard for her (and for me quite honestly). But after we had that argument and made the necessary changes in our relationship I felt myself stepping up more and more. First with the finances, then with her personal safety. After she found herself rear ending another vehicle because she was distracted behind the wheel, I felt I had to take action and once I found out she was binge watching Netflix all night, thus causing a drop in her grades (she was in college at the time) I knew it was time for Netflix to go. These changes made me really step up and the changes I saw in her were dramatic.

We eased into domestic discipline and it was a good year (if not longer) before I was willing to even label our relationship as a domestic discipline one. Sure, I cut the cord on Netflix but if she would have renewed the subscription would I have punished her for it at the time? Probably not. But, the fact that I was stepping up and taking action in our relationship on things that bothered me, even if it wasn’t necessarily something that I wanted to do was a big step.

It has been a few years since the transformation began and it still hasn’t been easy for me to punish my fiancee. I struggle a lot with spanking, and I still have the legalities in the back of my mind now that we do use punishments, albeit infrequently. I’m confident that I’m able to practice this lifestyle within the legal limits, and in a way that this mutually benefits both my fiancee and I. But, I worry that others in this lifestyle may not be able to do the same and that concerns me still to this day.

One of the best things that I have gotten out of the lifestyle was the ability to lead my relationship, which is something I never saw myself being able to (or wanting to) do. I liked sitting on the sidelines, letting her do things how she wanted to do them. I thought that made her happy, which in turn made me happy. But what I quickly realized was that it wasn’t making her happy, at all. Having me as the leader, and holding her accountable for things that she wants to change about herself, is something that has transformed our relationship 100% and I’m thankful for domestic discipline for that.

As I said earlier, using this in our relationship hasn’t been easy for me at all. But I think my legal research into the topic, my willingness to take my fiancees requests seriously, and my ability to step up as a leader has been some of the best decisions I’ve made in life, and certainly in our relationship. I don’t feel like this relationship is for everyone, but I am very thankful that we have it as a fallback option for when things begin to get out of hand for us.

Chris’ story is an awesome reminder to us of a few things. The first is that domestic discipline isn’t an easy choice for a lot of couples. It’s rare when a couple sits down together and says, “hey, have you heard of domestic discipline? Well, here’s what it is. Let’s give it a shot.” and the other partner excitedly says, “okay!” and off they go. Domestic discipline is something that is a struggle for a lot of couples to get on the same page with, and Chris’ story is just one of many that illustrate that.

Another thing that Chris’ story helps us to remember is that domestic discipline is something that should be thoroughly researched before a decision is made. In Chris’ circumstance, he immediately thought of the legal ramifications of the lifestyle. Is domestic discipline legal? Could this cost him his job? What would his co-workers think? His research into those things helped him to come to a more informed conclusion on whether or not this lifestyle was right for him and his relationship.

We’re grateful for Chris who shared his story with us, and who helped us to remember these important points.

If you’d like to share your story with us on how domestic discipline has worked for your relationship, whether good or bad, and what might set you apart from other domestic discipline couples (whether it’s your career, your dynamic, your rules, or something else) we’d love to hear from you. You can submit your story by writing to contact@learningdd.com with the subject line “Many Faces of Domestic Discipline Story Submission”. If we select your story, you’ll receive an LDD prize package, and compensation. Please note that due to the volume of entries we receive, we may not be able to contact everyone back, but we promise we will use as many entries as we are able.

Stay tuned for the return of the Submissive Saturday’s feature tomorrow!

-Clint & Chelsea

The post {The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline}: “I’m a Police Officer, and I Practice Domestic Discipline” appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

Welcome to the first Submissive Saturdays post of the summer! If you’re new to what the Submissive Saturdays series is, let us fill you in. Submissive Saturdays is our weekly posting column (on, you guessed it, Saturdays) where we take a deeper look at what it means to be the submissive partner within a domestic discipline relationship. The series began last spring, and was a pretty big success so we decided to bring it back and reincorporate it into our summer 2015 posting schedule.

Today we’re going to be talking about a pretty difficult aspect of being a submissive partner, and that is being submissive when domestic discipline isn’t present. The reason domestic discipline isn’t involved could be for a number of reasons. Maybe your partner is sick, you’re sick, you’ve taken a break from the lifestyle for whatever reason, or maybe your partner just isn’t on board with the idea of domestic discipline so you have transitioned into a dominant/submissive lifestyle dynamic instead. It could also be a situation where domestic discipline is present, but is very inconsistent. Whatever the reason is, many couples find themselves faced with the dilemma of how to be submissive in a relationship where domestic discipline isn’t present, or isn’t present all of the time.

Over the years, we’ve gotten several questions about this very topic and it’s always been a difficult one for me to answer, and then when I found myself in this very position it became even more difficult. Many of you know this already, but over the past several months Clint & I have been going through a lot. I won’t rehash it all here, but the short version is that I was diagnosed with a life threatening medical condition, while pregnant. To say this made our lives come to a screeching hault would be an understatement. Both little things about our day-to-day lives changed, and big things as well – one of those being how we practiced domestic discipline.

We made the decision, jointly, to lay off of the rules and punishments over the past few months. Domestic discipline, by definition, really slowed down for us as we focused more on things such as preparing for the arrival of the baby, and my health. Because of these changes, I had to adapt to being a submissive wife without the possibilities of things like being punished dangling in the background. Well, I take that back. I didn’t have to still be a submissive wife, I suppose. But, it was important to both Clint and I that our roles and our marriage dynamic still remain the same, in that he is the head of the household, the “final decision maker”, the leader, among other things and I’m the submissive wife. That’s something that we both knew we wanted to remain consistent with, even if domestic discipline itself was not possible.

I’ll admit, I did terrible with this at first. Even though being a submissive wife is something that I truly want, it’s something that has been a struggle for me over the years for a variety of different reasons. There have been things that have been difficult to let go of the control of, and other things that have been difficult to accept Clint’s decision on (even though, I’ll admit, they always work out for the best in the end). So, things started off a little rough with trying submission without domestic discipline. I developed a pretty fun habit of shopping online and things that were once important to me, such as asking his opinion on purchases, suddenly became a thing of the past. I hate to admit that, but it’s true. I knew it bothered him, and deep down it bothered me too. So, I worked to change and be submissive for me, for us, for our marriage..and not for the threat of punishment which was temporarily missing.

It’s now been several months later, and although I’m definitely still not perfect at it, I think I’ve came a long way. I’ve certainly learned a lot in the process, which I’m about to share with you below for anyone who is in a similar situation, or in a situation where they yearn to be a submissive wife but where domestic discipline, for whatever the reason, just isn’t possible.

The first thing that I’ve learned is similar to what I’ve mentioned above which is that you have to decide why you want to be a submissive partner and what you want to get out of the lifestyle. If your motivation for doing so is simply to make your husband happy that might not be enough. It needs to be something that you want. It also needs to be motivated by the right things (which will mean different things to different people). If the only reason why you submit to your husband is fear of punishment if you don’t, then perhaps this lifestyle (or, at least the dominance/submission aspect of it) is not right for you.

The second thing that I came to learn was that it’s really important that you are able to hold yourself accountable. No, I’m not talking about punishing yourself. But find some way to hold yourself accountable if your partner is unwilling or unable to do so through domestic discipline. Set reasonable goals for yourself and follow through with them. For me, having a set schedule and a to-do list really helps. At the end of the day, if I get everything done on my list, then I look forward to things like relaxing with my husband and watching shows or a movie. If I don’t get everything done on my list, then the natural consequence is I have to work on it until it is done, which really isn’t fun for anyone. However you hold yourself accountable is up to you, that’s just an example.

The third thing that I have learned is that being submissive is a lot more than just following directions. Some of you probably already know that, but until you remove domestic discipline from the equation it may not seem as difficult as it really is. With domestic discipline, one of the big ways that I was able to show submission was by following the rules and doing what Clint asked of me when he asked it. Over the past few months, I’ve come to realize that there are a variety of different things that make a good submissive wife that goes beyond respect and listening. Brainstorm ideas that might make your husband happy, and you to feel more like a submissive wife, that simply go beyond doing what he asks of you.

And finally, I’ve realized that it really helps to have your partner on board with your desire to live this lifestyle. Even if he isn’t on board with domestic discipline, if you have his support in being a submissive wife it will make all of the difference. I got lucky in the sense that Clint is extremely supportive in my desire to be a submissive wife, and he’s extremely dedicated to being an HOH, even when the domestic discipline aspects of rules and punishments are temporarily removed. Having these dedicated traits in both of us has really made the past few months easier. It’s been easier to submit to him knowing it is something that we both want, and it’s been great to see him still maintain as much of a leadership role as he can. So, even if you don’t have domestic discipline as a foundation in your relationship, refocus your goals on getting your partner on board with leadership and submission roles instead.

Clint and I are at the point now where we’re finally starting to ease back into domestic discipline, and I know we’ll be back at it fully in the upcoming months as things begin to calm down for us. We have a few more hurdles to overcome, health wise, but we’re getting there. But, I’m glad that we went through this experience of not having domestic discipline for the past few months. I believe it has made us stronger, and I’ve learned a lot about myself (and my husband) in the process.

If you’ve found yourself in a situation where you are a submissive wife (or want to be) and domestic discipline isn’t possible, the best advice I have for you (other than the 4 key points above) is to take things slow and don’t focus on domestic discipline, even if you badly want it. Instead, focus on really shaping yourself into the submissive wife that you want to be and everything else will fall into place.

See you tomorrow for a new personal post!

-Chelsea

Also a few quick notes:

• Today the June 2015 Learning Domestic Discipline Newsletter went out! If you didn’t receive your copy and would like to read it, you can by clicking here.
• The LDD Meetups are back! We already have 9 new ones scheduled, and we’re looking for organizers all over the world to host more this summer and fall.  If you want to host a meetup in your area, please email us at meetups@learningdd.com.  Thank you!

The post {Submissive Saturdays} Submission Without Domestic Discipline appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

Welcome to week 2 of our new summer Q&A series! Each week we examine a different dilemma that some domestic discipline couples face and offer our tips and advice on how we recommend the situation be handled. Last week we talked about how to best handle domestic discipline situations while on vacation, and this week we’ll be discussing domestic discipline in long distance situations.

Since we first began Learning Domestic Discipline this has been a common question that we get (or a variation of the below):

Question: My partner and I practice domestic discipline, but we don’t live near each other. We currently only see each other 1 or 2 times a month, and when we do I don’t like the idea of spending our entire time together punishing her and/or going over the rules. But, it is hard for me to hold her accountable from so far away. What do you recommend, or is domestic discipline best reserved for when we move in together?

Answer: This is a tough dilemma, no doubt and we try to look at both sides of it. On one side, the domestic discipline dynamic is obviously important to both parties and that’s great. But, on the flip side we can definitely see how it is important that your relationship and your time together be built on and spent on something other than domestic discipline. In a scenario like the example question above, if you only see each other every other week (for example) then it would make sense why neither party would want to spend that entire time punishing and/or focusing on domestic discipline.

There’s a few important things to consider when starting or continuing a long distance domestic discipline relationship. The first is how long will the distance last? Is the long distance relationship something that you are both actively working to resolve (meaning you have goals, and a time frame, as to when the distance will end) or is there no end in sight? This is important because it gives you both a good idea of how to better shape your domestic discipline relationship for the future.

If you feel like the distance will be resolved in a relatively short time frame, then keeping with the domestic discipline lifestyle makes the most sense to us. Getting used to how the lifestyle works (even without consequences, or with infrequent consequences) can make the transition much easier when you are finally together.

If you feel like the distance has no end in sight, or if there is no plan to end the distance anytime soon, then we recommend erring on the side of caution when it comes to practicing domestic discipline. We don’t necessarily believe you have to stop domestic discipline all together, but it might be a good idea to implement some changes such as the following:

• Consider domestic discipline without spanking. Spanking is, obviously, the hardest consequence to administer from a distance. Therefore, implementing domestic discipline without spanking would help to ensure that the lifestyle can still be practiced, but would use rules and consequences that could semi-easily be done from a distance, such as writing lines, corner time, and things like that.
• Create rules that are applicable to your situation. If you’re the HOH, make sure you’re developing rules for the submissive partner that can be followed from a distance without you feeling like you would need to constantly check up on her. For example, something like having a rule about attitude could be easy to enforce (since that is something you can “catch” over video chat, the phone, etc.) whereas something like a bedtime would be more difficult to enforce.
• Focus more on roles and less on consequences. This kind of goes along with the first bullet point (about removing spanking as a consequence), but in situations where distance is present we recommend using that time to really shape and develop your roles as both a leader/HOH and a submissive partner. By focusing more on the roles and qualities you possess within those roles and less on the consequences it will help to ensure your domestic discipline foundation is strong for when you are finally together. This isn’t to say that the rules and consequences shouldn’t be involved, because they should, but just not the FOCUS of the lifestyle.

Alright, so what about punishments? How would that work, especially if a couple doesn’t want every visit/get together to be centered around the punishments or various rule breaks from the past few weeks? Below are our tips:

• Enforce as many rules as you can when they first happen. Consequences are going to be less effective, naturally, if you want 2 weeks (for example) to administer them. So, administering consequences as close to the offense as possible will have the best results. Some examples of consequences you can implement from a distance are:
  • Corner time
  • Bedroom time
  • Writing lines
  • Grounding
  • Lecturing
• If you choose to include spanking make sure to reserve it for serious offenses and use the above list of consequences first before opting for something like a spanking. The goal is that the serious offenses will be few and far between, therefore eliminating the need to spank every time you see each other. If you feel like you are spanking each time you’re together, then perhaps that rule can be better handled with a different consequence.
• Consider boot camp every few months. This will help to get both of you on track with domestic discipline, which can be important since distance can sometimes lead to inconsistency over time. By going through boot camp every few months (3-6 months) it will also help to eliminate the need for frequent punishments each time you see each other.

There’s no question that it is harder than usual to maintain a domestic discipline relationship from a distance. However, it can be done, and it can be done effectively. We hope you find the above tips helpful!

RECAP:

• Ask yourselves how long you anticipate the distance lasting, and create a domestic discipline plan based on that time frame.
• Consider using domestic discipline without spanking, and instead replacing spankings with consequences that are easier to enforce when the mistake first happens.
• Focus more on your roles within domestic discipline and less on the punishments and consequences
• Consider doing boot camp every few months to ensure that domestic discipline stays on track and remains consistent, and also reduces the amount of punishments your partner will receive while you are apart and together.

-Clint & Chelsea

The post {Q&A Series} Long Distance Domestic Discipline appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

We all know that being dubbed the “head of the household” in a domestic discipline marriage comes with a lot of responsibility.  We’ve covered that.  You know it, I know it, your wife knows it, your parents know it…well, probably not your parents.  Nor your in-laws.  I totally understand.  (Your secret is safe with me.)

The larger, general “responsibility” that comes with being the HoH can be broken down into a number of sub-responsibilities, each of which are are important in keeping things running smoothly in your marriage and home.  That’s the goal, isn’t it?  The keep things running smoothly?  To keep everyone happy?  To deal with as little drama and as few problems as possible?  I know my home and my life is a heck of a lot more pleasant when everyone is happy and we aren’t dealing with problems.  I’d imagine yours are as well.

In my experience, structure and discipline are the biggest keys to achieving that goal of keeping things running smoothly, and your HoH title gives you the power and the avenue you need to achieve it.  If you take this responsibility seriously, your life will be a whole lot easier.  If you don’t, well, it won’t be.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I want to touch on several important “sub-responsibilities” that I feel every HoH should work to perfect.  Will you ever perfect them?  Doubtful.  Nobody is perfect, and expecting perfection is only setting yourself up for failure.  But, this lifestyle is about bettering yourself in addition to your loved ones, which is part of the beauty of domestic discipline.  Be introspective and keep working to improve in your problematic areas to make yourself a better person, and thus a better HoH.

Each of the following “sub-responsibilities” will be examined in further detail later in this series, but for now I want to quickly touch on each of them.

• Leader.  Being a good leader is about creating beneficial future plans for the family and working relentlessly to make them happen.  In this lifestyle you lead by example and strategic planning, not by barking orders.  You lead your family into the future.  You set them up for success (or failure..).  How does the future look for your family under your leadership and guidance?  Is there more you can do, or should be doing to ensure stability for your family?

• Disciplinarian. You are the enforcer of the marriage rules.  They don’t call this lifestyle domestic discipline for nothing.  In this lifestyle, you’re responsible for disciplining your wife when mistakes are made.  She’s accountable to you.  Are you enforcing the rules to the best of your ability?  Are you being as consistent as you know you should be with them?

• Decision Maker.  You and your wife will talk through various decisions that need to be made — particularly big ones — but the final decision is yours.  You’ll crash and burn on some, and others you’ll knock out of the ball park.  Can you handle the pressure and the emotional peaks and valleys that come with that responsibility?

• Protector.  So many different things can harm your family.  You don’t need me to tell you about all the dangers of the world.  They’re everywhere and come in all different forms.  This one may be the most difficult responsibility of all because so much is out of your control.  However, part of your HoH job description is to protect your family from harm to the very best of your ability.  Are you taking the appropriate measures to ensure their safety and well being?

• Provider.  Being a provider doesn’t necessarily mean in a financial sense.  If you’re able to provide financially, that’s wonderful, but it’s important to also provide emotional stability and social opportunities.  Are you meeting all the needs of your family and doing your part to ensure a successful future for everyone?

• Lover.  Don’t get so caught up in everything mentioned thus far and overlook perhaps the most important responsibility of being head of the household — love.  Love your wife.  Love your children.  Show affection.  Be there for them when they need you.  Support them.  Listen to them.  Encourage them.  Be their biggest fan.  Be present.  Be available.  Give them someone to admire and look up to.  Are you showing your family how much you love them each day?

Each one of these responsibilities is important in its own way (which we’ll cover and elaborate on later in the series).  Some play off of each other and depend on each other in order to experience optimal success with them.  If you look at the current state of your domestic discipline marriage, do you feel you’re doing a good job with all of these “sub-responsibilities”?

If you’re anything like me, you know you can do better in some areas.  I definitely know there is room for improvement when it comes to my domestic discipline marriage, and my role as HoH.  That’s what I strive to do each day, and I hope you do as well.

Challenge yourself to improve in each of these areas and become a better and more confident HoH.  Once you make those improvements, your home life and your marriage will be better and stronger, respectively.  It’s just a matter of how bad you want it and how hard you’re willing to work for it.

— Clint

The post {HoH Series} Important HoH Qualities – The Basics appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

This is week two of our new series, The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline. Each week we post a new guest post from an author who was kind enough to share their story with us on what makes their domestic discipline story unique, and how they make this lifestyle work for them.

Last week we featured the story of Chris, a police officer who talked about his struggles with beginning the lifestyle both from a moral and personal perspective, and a legal perspective. This week, we’re excited to share Jessica’s story with you. Jessica and her husband have been practicing the lifestyle for two years and were kind enough to share their story with us today.

The following was written exclusively by Jessica, with some minor editorial (formatting) changes from us.

Hi Clint and Chelsea. My name is Jessica, and I’m a mom of six from Sioux Falls South Dakota. I am writing today to share the story with you and your readers of how Dd works for my marriage.

On top of being a submissive wife and mom, I’m also a career woman. I currently work as the vice president of marketing for a relatively large shoe company and put in long hours and travel twice a month. My husband and I have been involved in the Dd lifestyle for 2 years now but we do things a little differently than most I have read about because he is the Hoh but he also is a stay at home dad, and full time “home maker” as we call it.

Coming to the decision to practice domestic discipline was a hard one for us because we felt really out of place at first. I had come across domestic discipline while searching Google for marriage improvement tips one afternoon, and I was instantly fascinated. But, it seemed like everything I read was aimed more towards the submissive wife staying home, raising the children, caring for the home and taking care of her working husband. Giving up my career that I have worked very hard for and essentially changing our whole lives just for the sake of fitting in with the Dd crowd seemed hard for me to swallow.

I went to my husband with Dd and surprisingly he didn’t resist too much. But, like me, we weren’t ready to do a total 180 degree turn on our lives by him going back to work to become the provider in order to copy the lives of Hohs we had read about in our Dd research. So we decided to try Dd our way – with him being the Hoh yet still assuming many of the roles and duties of a submissive wife in terms of caring for the house, the kids, and things such as that.

The first few months were very hard for me. Trying to create rules was probably our biggest struggle, since the rules we had read about and given examples of didn’t apply too much to us. Things such as chores weren’t my responsibility, and other rules such as having a poor attitude were things he seemed to struggle with, not me. With me being used to having a leadership position at work and often carrying that home with me I often wondered how this would work.

Around the 4 month mark is when I think we really got the hang of this, and we did it by learning to not try to carbon copy what other Dd marriages were doing. I’m an avid blog reader and enjoy spending my free time reading the blogs of other Dd wives but in doing so I got caught up in comparing my marriage to theirs and it ended up really delaying our progress with Dd. So, together, we learned how to create our own Dd plan.

We started by listing the things I needed to work on most, with the biggest one being following through on my deadlines. Both him and I agreed that the one thing I am terrible at is following through on deadlines set for me either by him or by my boss. When I’m not able to follow through with them, it causes a lot of stress on me and creates tension in our house. Another rule that we created was for me to follow safety rules while I am traveling. These rules included checking in at least one time per day so that he knows I am okay, giving him all of my hotel information upfront (something I had always forgotten in the past and had really bothered him) and made sure to let him know when I made it safely to the hotel each evening. I wondered how these rules would really be enforced, but was willing to give it a try. Other rules we created were ones such as limit the amount of negative words and cursing said around our kids and make a better effort to be home for dinner each night.

I broke the first rule almost immediately, which was to let him know when I got back to the hotel one evening. I had been in New York City for a conference and went out with some co-workers for a networking event after the conference ended. He assumed I was at the hotel after it ended, but instead I went out, and he didn’t realize it. I never did let him know when I returned to the hotel that evening.

At that point we hadn’t used any punishments yet, and spanking was something that he seemed uncomfortable with. But, grounding me was difficult seeing as how he didn’t know how to enforce it with me not being home often. So he decided to give spanking a try, and although it was light and minor, it had a huge impact on me. It made me view my husband in a different and more respectful manner and caused me to think a lot about how I show respect.

One thing I have learned since we began Dd is that respect is really important. My husband has always respected me as the breadwinner of our family, the mother of our children and as his wife. Yet, I think back to all of the times when I could have appreciated everything he does for us more or those times when I could have showed him more respect instead of being caught up with the daily stresses of kids and work.

Dd for us has been a challenge, especially with our roles and responsibilities being different than the average Dd couple. But, we are similar in a lot of ways too and I learn that more each day. Thank you for letting me share my story. I hope that others out there use mine as a good example to not give up or feel like you don’t fit in with the lifestyle simply because you practice things differently. Create a way to make this lifestyle work for you, even if you are different, and I guarantee you won’t regret it.

Best,

Jessica

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us and Learning Domestic Discipline readers, Jessica. You may feel alone, but we promise you that you aren’t. We have received emails and comments before from couples who are in similar dynamics in which the wife is the primary breadwinner and also the submissive wife. While we agree it is more rare, it does happen and it is something that should never hinder your ability to practice the lifestyle if it is something you truly want.

Jessica’s story brings up a lot of great points about domestic discipline, but the one we really hope you take away from it is about the importance of molding the domestic discipline principles to fit your lifestyle. Create rules and consequences that work for you and not based on what you feel the norm is around the domestic discipline community. By tailoring the lifestyle specifically for your needs, wants, and situation you will have a much better shot at it being successful for your relationship.

Thanks again to Jessica for sharing her story with us!

– Clint & Chelsea

The post {The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline}: “My HOH is a Stay at Home Dad and We Practice Domestic Discipline” appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

This post has been a long time coming, but now that we’ve returned to Learning Domestic Discipline and our lives have began to slow down and return to normal, we’re looking forward to filling you guys in on some big things we did this past spring!

First, and foremost, our son has arrived! We recently welcomed a baby boy into our family, and he is healthy and perfect – we couldn’t feel more blessed. Our other two children are adjusting great and we’re adjusting to a family of five.

We don’t normally add personal photos to the blog, but we figured we would make an exception this time since so many of you have become like family to us over the past few months.

These are our older two boys, who are SO excited about the arrival of their brother.  

It’s been a long road to welcoming our son, and it feels like it took years instead of months. We went through some pretty serious medical things this past spring while Chelsea was pregnant, which resulted in us not knowing whether she or the baby would even make it many times. We’re happy to report that the baby is here, he’s perfect, and that Chelsea is on the road to recovery. It will be a long road, but we’re prepared for that. We’re fortunate to live in an area of the country that has fantastic medical care, and we’re looking forward to Chelsea getting a clean bill of health hopefully later this fall.

In addition to the birth of our son, we had a pretty busy spring. Some of you might member us talking about our dream house last year. We wrapped everything up with that during our time off and are currently in the slow, long, boring, stressful process that we hate so much of moving.

We’re extremely thankful to so many people who made the past few months as easy as they could for us. The kind offers to help, the prayers and support, and more have meant so much to us.

We’d like to thank God who had His hand on us the entire time. This entire situation over the past few months has been one that we really believe has made our faith stronger.

We’d like to thank our family and friends (many of whom read this blog) who sacrificed so much to make sure that we were okay over the past few months. From watching our kids, to helping us with various tasks, to praying for us, we are so grateful for each of you.

We would also like to thank our incredible team of assistants who have worked so hard behind the scenes to keep Learning DD up and running for everyone. From staying up all night just to organize our inbox, to making sure that posts went up on time, and much more – you guys were the glue behind what held LDD together over the spring and there is NO way we could have kept LDD going over the past few months without you.

And, to the domestic discipline community who has sent an outpouring of support for us throughout this entire ordeal. The prayers, emails, text messages, phone calls, and more were a great reminder of how awesome this community is, and how proud we are to be a part of it. We are still working to respond to everyone personally, but we wanted you all to know how thankful we are for each of you.

Now that we’re back, as a family of five, in a new house, and adjusting to the many changes that life has thrown at us, we’re ready to get back to Learning DD. We’ll admit that process has been slow, and we still have some medical hurdles (mainly recoveries at this point) to overcome which has made that process even slower than we would have liked. But, we’re back, and we promise we’re working hard to get things going again. We’ve also realized that we really need to hire some help in order to continue to take LDD into the direction that we want it to go, so we’ll be working hard on contacting everyone who submitted requests for applications (from the newsletter) in the next few weeks. Things like the fictional book, magazine, etc. will be up and running again shortly, and we’ve already taken the necessary steps to bring back the LDD Meetups. So, we’re getting there slowly but surely.

In short, we just wish to thank everyone for coming along with us on this roller coaster ride over the spring. We’re happy to report that things are going well, and that we’re getting back to our normal lives slowly but surely (and that includes domestic discipline as well).

Thank you, again, for everything.

-Clint, Chelsea & our THREE boys!

The post {PERSONAL POST} An Update On Us (+ Photos!) appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

Welcome to week 3 of our summer Q&A Series, where we give our advice on a different domestic discipline dilemma each week. This week we’re discussing a very popular topic that we’ve gotten questions about since we first began Learning Domestic Discipline – crying during or after a spanking.

Question: I’m a submissive wife in our domestic discipline marriage and I don’t understand why I can’t cry during the spanking. My husband spanks hard enough, but for some reason the tears just don’t come. What is wrong with me, and how can we overcome this so that we have the desired reaction that we both want afterwards?

Our answer: This is a really common question that we’ve been getting for years. You might be surprised to hear that many submissive partners actually want to cry during or after a spanking is given, or that many HOHs actually expect this reaction from their submissive. It doesn’t have much to do with them “loving pain” or anything like that, but more that it helps to release the guilt and also feels more natural for both parties involved.

However, despite how hard the spanking may be, there are a number of factors that can hinder crying during or after the punishment. A few of those are:

• The submissive partners mind is elsewhere. During a spanking, it is common for the submissive partner to try to block out what is happening. They’re trying to focus on something other than getting spanked, and because of that their mind starts to wander. When this occurs, it diverts their attention away from the matter at hand, and therefore can delay or prohibit crying.
• The lecture before or during was weak. It’s important that the HOH get the submissive partner in the correct mindset before the punishment begins. If the submissive partner doesn’t genuinely feel guilt or remorse for their actions, tears will be unlikely. Making sure the lecture is effective is an important step in achieving tears during a spanking.
• The submissive partner feels the spanking was undeserved, or is angry. This goes hand in hand with what we were saying above, which is that if the submissive partner has not reached the state of feeling guilty or remorseful for their actions then it will be unlikely for them to cry during or after a spanking. This is another reason why we always recommend holding off until both parties are in the correct mindset (and not angry) before proceeding with the spanking.
• The spanking simply wasn’t hard enough. In most situations it is one of the above 3 scenarios (or a variation of one of the above) that is prohibiting the submissive partner from crying. However, it’s also possible that the spanking just simply isn’t hard enough to produce tears. A light spanking, or swats, is highly unlikely to cause the submissive partner to cry, in most situations. In situations like this, having realistic expectations going into the spanking is important. Obviously crying during something such as swats likely isn’t going to be possible, so instead of focusing your attention on the lack of crying, change your focus to why the swats are occurring in the first place and what not to do in the future to prevent them from turning into an actual spanking. Basically, what we’re trying to say with this last scenario is that spanking harder isn’t always the solution (and we’ll discuss that more in a second).

One suggestion that we often give readers experiencing this problem is to first pinpoint what the cause of the lack of tears is. This might be something that the submissive partner (or even the HOH) is able to clearly identify right off the bat, whereas for others it might take longer. Once you identify the apparent cause for the lack of tears, it will be easier to pinpoint a solution that will work for you. Here are a few that we often recommend:

• If you’re the HOH, make sure you are giving complete lectures. What we mean by “complete lectures” is kind of like a book (except no where near as long, of course ) – a lecture with a beginning (what the submissive did wrong), a middle (how it effects your family, why you have the rule in the first place, etc.) and an end (what to do next time). Having a complete lecture as opposed to, “don’t speed while driving, that is dangerous and you’re getting spanked for it!” will help to put the submissive partner in the correct mindset, which will be more likely to yield tears at some point.
• Lecture in the middle of the spanking. This is separate from the complete lecture we referred to above (which is, ideally, given before a spanking). Often times a short lecture/pause in the spanking will help to redirect the submissive partners attention in the event that their mind was wandered.
• Ensure that the submissive partner is focused on what the spanking is about, and why the rule was put in place to begin with. This could be done with lecturing, but can also be done by the HOH reminding the submissive partner at any point throughout the spanking. If the submissive partner becomes unfocused on what the spanking is even for, it is unlikely they will reach the remorseful state.
• Offer the submissive partner the opportunity to apologize. A lot of times, just knowing that the submissive partner has let their HOH down is enough to produce tears because it immediately brings on a guilty reaction. Offering the submissive partner the opportunity to apologize will often help to jumpstart the submissive partners feelings about guilt and remorse.
• Encourage the submissive partner to be open about their feelings. Often times even though the submissive partner wants to cry, it becomes second nature for them to hold back on how they feel and put on a “tough” front for their HOH. If you’re the HOH, make sure to express to your partner that it is perfectly okay to show their emotions in front of you and that you won’t judge or think differently of them for it.

As you can see from the above list of suggestions they are all psychological. What is the submissive partner feeling, thinking, how are they responding? This is because, believe it or not, crying during a spanking rarely ever relates back to pain. Although it CAN be because the spanking was not hard enough, that is rarely ever the only reason why tears are being held back. It’s important that HOHs realize that simply “spank harder!” isn’t usually a good solution in matters like this. No matter how hard the spanking is, it is unlikely to create tears if any of the above scenarios are also present with the submissive partner.

The lack of tears during or after a spanking is something that a lot of submissive partners seem to worry about or struggle with. So if you (or your submissive partner, if you’re the HOH) are struggling with this, please know that you aren’t alone. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re doing something wrong. Crying comes more naturally to some than it does for others, and there is so much to take into account, including the submissive partners pain tolerance, attitude, remorse, and more.

We hope this helps any of you who might be struggling with crying during or after a spanking. If you’re interested in reading more, simply search “crying” in the search box at the top of the blog and you will find dozens of articles that cover similar topics.

We hope you have a wonderful week,

Clint & Chelsea

The post {Q&A Series} Crying During and After a Spanking appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

I have two questions for you.

First question — What comes to mind when you think of leadership?

Second question — Who comes to mind when you think of a great leader?

Take a moment to give those two questions some serious thought.  When you really take the time to think about them, they’re not so simple to answer, are they?

They’re not easy to answer because being a great leader is hard.  It’s hard to lead a family, or, on a larger scale, an entire group of people.  It takes a special person with special qualities to be a great leader.

You may have had a few people come to mind when thinking about great leaders.  Perhaps your father was/is a great leader.  Or maybe you think of someone famous like a politician, social activist, or celebrity.  Maybe you think of your church pastor.  Maybe an uber successful businessman comes to mind.  Maybe a teacher, counselor, supervisor, police officer, athlete, coach, scientist, musician, philosopher, doctor, inventor…

Whomever it may be, when you think about that person, what qualities do they have (or did they have) that make them a great leader?  Why do you appreciate them so much?

Before I inflate this balloon to an unrealistic size, let’s remain on point here.  We’re talking about leading your family and marriage.  We’re not talking about you becoming the next president/prime minister, the next national hero, the next Nobel Peace Prize winner, or the next man to be added on to the Forbes world billionaire list due to your ultra successful Fortune 500 company (although that sure would be nice, wouldn’t it? ).  Let’s not get carried away.  Hey, if you want to shoot for the stars, go for it.  I’m not here to discourage you.  But, more realistically speaking, above all things is your family and being the leader of your family (and marriage) is a critical part of the HoH job description.

So what does it mean to be a good leader?  What does it take to be a good leader?  What qualities does a good leader have?

In my opinion, leadership starts with a plan.  You can’t lead your family if you don’t know where it is you’re going or what it is you want.  You need a plan.  From there, your family needs your direction and your guidance toward reaching various goals within that plan.  You work with your wife to create a “master plan”, if you will, that will ultimately result in what you both believe will be ideal for your family.  As HoH and the leader of your family, it’s your job to keep things in line with that plan and to keep things moving toward those ultimate goals.  Your family’s future depends on you.

To achieve those goals, you need initiative.  Your plan isn’t going to execute itself.  You need to be the driving force behind it, and you need to take the initiative to make it happen.  You need to motivate yourself and your family members without micro-managing them.  It’s a delicate balance at times, but when you do that, you’re doing what you need to in order to lead them.  Once you hit various goals/milestones, everyone will appreciate you pushing so hard to make it happen.

Setting the right example is important to leadership as well.  I’ve talked about this a lot in past LDD articles.  Life will really push your buttons sometimes.  You’ll encounter situations that make you extremely frustrated, very angry, and incredibly hurt both emotionally and physically.  As HoH and leader of your family, it’s important you remain calm in these situations and set the right example.  How would you want your wife to handle herself?  How would you advise your kids to handle the situation?  Whatever your answers are to those two questions is exactly how you need to conduct yourself when things don’t go your way (and they won’t).  That’s not always easy.  Anyone can set a good example when life is going smoothly.  It’s in those tough moments when your loved ones are watching you most attentively, and it’s important you show them how to conduct themselves.  That’s how you lead them and shape their character.  You don’t want them picking up any of your bad habits.

Do what you say and say what you mean.  It’s a cliche phrase, perhaps, but it applies well when talking about leadership.  Do you know any good leaders that consistently failed to follow through on what they said they were going to do?  Me neither.  Following through is very important.  In fact, it’s so important that I wrote a whole article about it.

When it comes to saying what you mean, choose your words carefully.  Everyone is listening.  They’re listening more attentively than you realize, too.  Don’t make empty promises.  Be kind, encouraging and supportive.  Keep thoughts and words positive.  Again, this isn’t always easy in frustrating situations, but thinking before you speak and saying what you mean goes a long way when talking about leading your family.  Take a few seconds to think before you speak because saying something impulsively — that you’ll regret — can, and will, really hurt your loved ones.

The qualities I’ve touched on are just a few that I feel are important when talking about leadership.  There are several others, of course, and each of us will value certain qualities more than others.  Once again, I ask you to think about those you consider to be great leaders and think about what it is about them you admire.  Why do you feel those people are great leaders?  Take those qualities you find in them and do your best to emulate them.  Learn from them, just as your wife and children learn from you.

I’ll leave you with an article I found by doing a Google search.  It’s very simple and short, but I think it touches on a lot of good points that will give us all a few things to think about.  Click here to check it out.

Strive every day to be better and work hard every day to improve.  If you do that, you’ll have success in the domestic discipline lifestyle.

— Clint

The post {HoH Series} Being the Leader appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

Welcome to our third week of our new guest posting series, The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline. Each Friday we post a different installment to the series that a guest writer was kind enough to submit to us illustrating what makes their domestic discipline relationship different. Today we’re excited to feature Katie’s post where she talks about how distance discipline works for her and her boyfriend, and what steps they take to ensure domestic discipline stays on track while living so far apart.

Tim and I first met about three years ago at an airport, of all places. Looking back on it, that should have probably been the first signs to both of us that a long distance relationship would be in our future. Or, at the very least a friendship. At the time, neither one of us had considered a relationship, with him being fresh out of a divorce and myself being too focused on my career to care about a boyfriend. Not only did a relationship seem hard to imagine, but domestic discipline was something neither one of us ever considered.

Little did we know, our relationship would begin to develop. We soon found ourselves going from not wanting a serious relationship to becoming close friends and then more. We spent hours talking/text messaging each day and even made a few trips to see each other. We live roughly 6 hours apart, and so distance combined with our work schedules made it difficult but we managed to squeeze in a few trips here and there.

I first heard of domestic discipline after doing some Google searches when I finished reading 50 Shades. Yes, I’m one of those people who found domestic discipline through that book, what can I say? But honestly, at the time, I couldn’t really see myself doing domestic discipline with Tim. I knew almost instantly it was something I wanted in a future relationship, but the one I was currently in was just blossoming, so I couldn’t imagine throwing a curveball like domestic discipline into it so early on.

Finally, one day several months later I broke down and told Tim about it. I did so because I began craving this type of lifestyle, and because I was starting to grow really close with him and trust him. Those feelings led me to believe that maybe domestic discipline with him could work, distance and all, if I could get him to agree to it. But that came harder than I thought.

Tim was adamantly against it at first, so much so that we almost broke up because of my desire to have it and his desire to not. I wish I better remember the turning point for him but it came about 5 months after first bringing up domestic discipline to him. He finally agreed to try it on a very short basis (two weeks I believe was his “trial period”) and I jumped at the chance. At the end of the two weeks, he asked for two more weeks which I happily obliged. I thought domestic discipline was going well and I could tell he was beginning to come around to it too. We finally sat down one evening on one of our weekends together and made it official. We would become a domestic discipline couple, even with the distance.

We didn’t talk much about how it would work with the distance between us, surprisingly. I figured it would have came up early on, but it didn’t. Instead, we slowly adjusted to our new found roles and relationship while trying to navigate how this lifestyle really worked. But all of that was easy, until it came time for us to depart again.

Living roughly 6 hours apart can take its toll on any relationship, but adding domestic discipline to the equation complicates it even more. We have learned a few things over the time we’ve been doing domestic discipline and I’d love to share those with you.

We had heard time and time again that punishing as soon as the offense happens (or as close as possible to it) was ideal which worried us. We only see each other 1 weekend a month on the average month. Therefore, sometimes weeks can go by without a punishment even if one is well-deserved. So, one thing we have learned is using punishments that aren’t spanking and can be used with me in one state and him in another are important. This allows Tim to still be able to punish me in a kind of short time frame and it allows me to still be held accountable even if we aren’t physically together.

Another thing I’ve learned is that it really isn’t all about the punishments. Sometimes people (distance or not) seem so focused on that that they forget to strengthen the other areas of their domestic discipline relationship. We all know that punishments are important but it isn’t the only important thing. By having that distance between us it allows us both to reflect (for quite a while!) in the car about what we need to improve upon, and how things are going. It really helps to keep our domestic discipline lifestyle in the front of our minds during chaotic times when we aren’t able to be together.

Tim doesn’t like to use spanking (although he has before) and finding time to do that on our rare weekends together is sometimes challenging as we would prefer to spend all of our time together, doing happy stuff. So, one thing we’ve done is an accumulation of points. He gives out point values to rules that he finds important and if a certain number of points is accumulated then I get spanked. This allows me to not get away with things (we use some of the alternative methods of discipline for most points) but still be held accountable through methods such as spanking if it’s been a bad week and the points are serious enough.

Those are just a few things we have done over the years to make domestic discipline work more smoothly for us despite our challenge. We likely have another 2-3 years of living apart based on Tim’s job situation, but we’e hoping that the distance will be resolved (with a transfer from his job) in the next 6 months. When it does, it will be interesting to see how domestic discipline goes for us since we are used to living quite a ways apart.

If you are in a long distance relationship and considering practicing domestic discipline or already do, my advice is not focus so much on domestic discipline and just let it come naturally. I also have found that it is important for you to be comfortable using punishments that are alternative to spanking so that they can be handed out during the week even when you are apart.

I hope I gave you some tips and inspired you to believe that you can live a domestic discipline lifestyle, regardless of the distance.

Katie

Thank you so much for sharing your story Katie. Dating/distance relationship is always hard and we totally understand that. When you add domestic discipline it can really complicate things, but it sounds like Tim and Katie have a system down that works well for them, which is great news and something we encourage all long distance couples to do. Their tips are great and we highly recommend them if you are in a similar position.

We’ll see you tomorrow for a new Submissive Saturday’s post

-Clint & Chelsea

The post {The Many Faces of Domestic Discipline} “We Live 6 Hours Apart, and We Practice Domestic Discipline” appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.

In late January we discussed what a submissive journal is, the benefits of having one, and a list of 25 starter topics that might help those who are looking into starting a submissive journal. Since it has been a few months now, I thought another list of topics might help those who have already gone through the list of the first 25 and are looking for others to keep their journals going.

The following is part 2 of our submissive wives journal topic list. As with the first list, these are just prompts and templates to get you thinking.

1. As a submissive wife I feel like my biggest challenge has been..?
2. One way I feel that I could be a better submissive wife is…?
3. Being submissive in public makes me feel…?
4. If I could change one thing about being a submissive wife I would change…?
5. I wish that my HOH would know …. about what it is like to be a submissive wife.
6. To be a better submissive wife I plan to do the following 3 things in the next few months…
7. I want to be a submissive wife because…
8. The biggest disagreement that my HOH and I have is over ___. I would like to see that change by ___.
9. I feel I’m doing a good job at being a submissive wife because…
10. When I am fully submissive to my HOH, I think it makes him feel…
11. My thoughts on stress relief spankings are…
12. Being a submissive wife without domestic discipline would make me feel…
13. My thoughts on domestic discipline boot camp is…
14. I feel that domestic discipline has helped me become a better submissive wife because…
15. I feel that domestic discipline has helped my HOH become a better leader because…
16. One piece of advice I would like to give my HOH is…
17. Write a letter to yourself to open in one year and discuss your goals with submission, where you hope to be in one year, your current feelings, etc.
18. I feel I could be more open about being a submissive wife by…
19. I have a hard time with being submissive when…
20. One thing I wish I could tell my HOH is…
21. I feel that the biggest misconception about being a submissive wife is…
22. The biggest change I’ve seen in my relationship since becoming a submissive wife is…
23. The biggest change I hope to see in my relationship in the future is…
24. With my last punishment I feel I could have been more submissive by…
25. The one thing I don’t understand about submission is…

We’ll be back in a few more months with another topic list for you, but hopefully this holds you over until then and is something you find helpful for your submissive journal.

See you tomorrow, everyone!

-Chelsea

The post {Submissive Saturdays} Submissive Journal Topics Part II appeared first on Learning Domestic Discipline: The Blog.